Why Do People DO That?

So... there have been many times in my life that I haven't understood people's actions. Some people loose it on the server at a restaurant because their food came out wrong, or late or whatever. Some people let friends or loved ones just slip out of their life. Some people lie, cheat or steal. Why? Maybe I'm naive or idealistic... but I just don't get it! Truly, it's not that hard to live an honest life.

It seems that, lately, I'm constantly surrounded by new drama. Even old drama has come back around. But at least I have some perspective on that. I have had people in my life that swear up and down that I'm like family. Then, when it's no longer easy, I'm just dust in the wind. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. I have gained time and perspective on people that I have truly adored, idolized and looked to for example, only to find out that really, the talk isn't walked. I have seen people that I knew... people that I once called friends... turn out to be child molesters. And I have seen people that teach honesty and integrity abuse and cheat on their spouses. And I just... don't... GET IT.

Is it really so hard to walk the talk? I mean, come on. If you preach to the people around you to tell the truth, tell it yourself. Is the truth harder sometimes? Oh, heck yeah. Does it always work for you in the end? Yup. My Grandmaster says there are things called "beautiful lies". On this, I agree. Grandmaster Rhee's example is usually this: A family is so poor that they cannot afford much food. At the end of the day, a girl is fixing dinner for herself and her elderly father. She realizes that there is only enough food for one, and so gives dinner to her father, and she goes without. When her father asks her if she has already eaten, she replies, "Yes, Father, I have." A beautiful lie.

But the majority of lies aren't beautiful. They're ugly. So... don't tell them. My son has told me a grand total of about 3 or 4 lies. He's four, so I'm sure there will be more, unfortunately. You know why it's only been that many? Because he gets in more trouble for the lie than the thing he lied about. Only took a few times... he's a fast learner. I hope it sticks through teenage hood! Yeah, right... But, on with my tirade.

And have you ever noticed lies have a theme? Lies are usually told for one of 3 reasons... they think the truth will get them in trouble, they think the lie is just easier, or they think the lie will be more impressive. Uhh... no, no and NO. Initially, maybe, but in the long run? All you do is get into more trouble. So, I say again... don't lie. So simple.

To some extent, we are all selfish. It's human nature to look out for number one. But, really... we should all stop at manipulating other people. Or keeping them from reaching their true potential because it doesn't suit us. Or get pissed off when people leave us. Let people be who they truly are, and the rewards for you - yes, even the selfish you - will be SO much greater. There's a saying that I'm about to mangle, but you'll get the gist: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours for a lifetime." It's hard to let go, because of that selfish thing... but it's so much better. So, I say again... let people be who they are. So simple.

Child molestation... I don't think there are many evils that can top that one. And yet, it seems to be rampant. Are some people so sick in the head that they don't know right from wrong? Or have no conscience? I think there might be. But the vast majority of these offenders don't fall into those categories. The men I knew don't. And yet, even though they knew what they were doing was wrong, they did it, anyway. I can't even express to you the contempt and disgust I feel for people who do this. And the overwhelming sadness I feel that innocents have to go through that horror. I just don't understand it. And I don't understand the people who stand by and have an idea it might be going on, but say nothing. I feel incredibly guilty that I didn't see anything, yet there was no way I could - one was a martial arts "friend" I only saw at tournaments once a month or so, and another didn't come into his criminal activity until years after I had moved out of state (we were young when we knew each other). Thankfully, these two were caught, but there are countless others who get away with it. Takes a lot of bravery to ask for help or to speak up when you suspect something. But, for the sake of the innocents... do it, anyway. So it's not simple.

My last beef really, really kills me. Why, why, why do people cheat on their spouses??? I don't care what your excuse might be, it doesn't make it right. Your spouse abuses you. Ok... get help getting out. There are ways. And, really, you think that an abusive spouse would be perfectly calm when they find out? It sure seems like a good way to get yourself killed. Because they always find out. It's the nature of the beast. You're trapped in an unhappy marriage, but don't want to leave because of.... the kids, the money, whatever? Too bad. You made your bed, now lie in it. Suck it up or leave. Your spouse cheated on you, so you're getting him/her back? Ya, real mature. Listen, cheating is a deal breaker for me. I don't care what the circumstances are, it's not acceptable. And it's SO easy to avoid. Don't put yourself in a situation that might tempt you, short term or long. A married person has absolutely no business spending an excessive amount of alone time with a member of the opposite sex (unless one of them is gay (= ). It's asking for trouble. So, keep yourself out of it. So simple.

I guess it's in my nature, but I feel the need to mention some happy things, now. I have amazing people in my life, people that I've known forEVER. People that didn't act like I fell off the face of the planet anytime I moved. People that I still see and spend time with. People that don't lie and manipulate. The majority of my people are like that, as a matter of fact. And I'm grateful for them everyday. I have grown the ability, for the most part, to purge the nasty people from my life and to look out and be sure to not let any more in. And, I have an amazingly happy marriage. I actually have good communication with my husband. Which is not to say that we don't have our issues - all spouses do. But our learning curve is pretty steep, and we meant it when we said the part about the better and worse. I can't imagine my life without him... and if I was starting to have wandering eyes... I'd get some help, talk to someone (including him), and nip it in the bud. It's what a good wife or husband does, and I pray to God that I continue to be a good wife, walk the talk, and continue to be a person of integrity.

How about you?